Negativity
Lately I’ve been looking back over the past year and what it felt to be a newbie in Doha. So this post seems fitting. I wrote it just under a year ago (you can tell because I refer to the, now dry, Mango Tree Sun Downers). This really was a huge issue when I was trying to settle in and make friends. I began to contemplate the outcome of never connecting with anyone who felt grateful like I do. To an extent I still feel this way, but I’m a bit more sympathetic to the people who are miserable. However, I still think it’s unacceptable to tell someone how miserable you are as soon as you’ve shaken hands for the first time!
By far and away the biggest shock and the hardest thing for me to deal with since arriving in Doha is the overwhelming negativity of my fellow expats. Never in my life have I met so many miserable and unhappy people in one place. It is like a magnet for moaners.
Before I came I was told that the best thing about this place was the energy of both a city that is changing so fast, and of a community of smart, healthy, optimistic expats from all corners of the world who are doing what they love in a country that’s treating them well. I’d say that is true of about 50% of people. Maybe less.
People really hate it here. They hate the weather. They hate the driving. They hate the rules. They hate the lack of rules. They hate the locals. They hate their jobs. They hate the people they meet.
And they’re not afraid to tell you about it.
When did it become ok to tell a complete stranger your opinion on every taboo topic under the desert sun? When did it become ok to reveal the worst parts of yourself within the first half hour of meeting someone?
Let me give you a peek into 24 hours of my life. Last Thursday afternoon, after leaving work at 4.30, I drove with The Coach to The Pearl, to a beautiful Mexican restaurant where we enjoyed happy hour drinks by the harbor with a group of people we had recently met. The next morning we woke to perfect blue skies and started the day with a refreshing swim in the pool near our house. We had the whole pool to ourselves. That day we Skyped with family and friends back home, ate a delicious lunch that cost US$6, had another swim and generally chilled out. That afternoon we popped round to a friend’s house for tea and were home in time to be picked up by a lovely driver who chauffeured us back to The Pearl for another night of outdoor cocktails, this time at a bar that was offering free sangria.
My (long-winded) point is that life is good here. Really good. There is very little to complain about. So why do people find so much to grumble about? I don’t know yet. But I do know that it’s awful and draining and a real shame.
Image from here
I agree totally on how annoying this negativity can get. Especially from those who seem to have it real good, who would probably have many 24 hours like what you describe.
BUT, this: “Let me give you a peek into 24 hours of my life. Last Thursday afternoon…” is enjoyed ONLY by a small section of expatriates living here. You do realise that, don’t you? However, that small section is the most ‘out and about’ so get heard a lot and that small section probably complain the most.
Been here 13 years. I have a few complaints of my own, but it doesn’t discount the overall good life I enjoy here. Even if it’s not quite the lap of luxury I live in.
If you find out why people grumble so much, please do share. I am dying to find out too… and if I don’t find out soon enough, I am going to start asking people to just shut the hell up.
Good post, Velvet.
ummon recently posted..What does it take to depress me? An hour in the departure terminal.
I understand your qualms with the negativity and totally agree re taboo/inappropriate conversations with strangers. However, it’s very obvious that you’re still new here and haven’t faced a lot of the prejudices and hardships others have. Qatar is indeed a blessing of sorts. As you mentioned, we’re lucky to have blue skies almost year round and a good percentage of the expat population make good enough a living to enjoy the luxury lifestyle you partake in, but that isn’t the whole truth. It is only your version of the expat story. Believe me, I’m not picking on you, and I am totally guilty of moaning when I should be thanking my lucky stars, but there are many expats, who unlike us, aren’t quite so lucky. The issues are countless: residency issues, lack of job security, the fear of not being given a release form upon quitting, needing to request exit permits to travel and having to wait on approvals to move on with your plans/life. And that’s not even a sliver of said issues. What about the blue collar workers? People who can’t afford lovely Mexican restaurants on The Pearl, or even that $6 meal you thought was a bargain? People who don’t have a pool to ‘just relax’ in; people consistently being asked to evacuate their homes because of unreliable civil infrastructure and poor planning? What about the evident favouritism of locals over expats in legal situations, be they traffic issues or any other kind of legal counsel? What about the unjust heirarchies in the workplace, where both salaries and healthcare are concerned? I could go on forever, but my point is: is being here a blessing? Yes, it most definitely can be. But it’s varying shades of luck, luxury and relaxation, so don’t judge people on their sorrows. Life isn’t as simple as a Mango Tree sun downer. But it is good, and we should be thankful – you’re right about that.
sorry which country are you talking about in your description about perfect day?
Qatar can be fun, but there is definitely a large number of mourners out there. I can see a trend that after 4 years spent in Qatar you either start to become a mourner or you will never become one. Just a personal opinion.
Check out my blog at http://nklampflnas.dyndns.org for my personal experiences. German language though.
Regards.
Norbert recently posted..Wüstentour Ostküste bis Inland Sea
I am sorry to burst your bubble Ms. Perfect , but please stop looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses, but there are hundreds of thousands who live in squalid conditions, work hours on end. These are the people for who Qatar is a means to get hard-earned capital to support their families when they inevitably go back home.
You have NOTHING to complain about, except other people complaining. Your worries are laughable compared to what others face every day. Pause for a moment to think about those who clean your pools, or serve your food. Do you have ANY idea how a day in their lives are?
You are sheltered in your little bubble, hanging out with other like-minded air-heads. If they whine on-end perhaps its time to change company.
Please at least have the decency to seek to understand why people are complaining before denouncing them as whiners. There is only one person whining and seeking attention here…YOU.
In case you cant read properly, the article isnt about labourers, she is talking about expats who are at her level, i.e. people who are getting paid well, and yet complain.
I agree!!
Agreed to what Dissapointed says, I mean.
And I hate the weather for 6 months a year, the unhealthy duststorms, the way the upperclass treats the lower class, the traffic police who make a mess of each roundabout, the absurd high prices, the unfair treatment of the police (Qataris over White faces, White faces over Asian people), the arrogant behaviour of the locals, …. should I continue….?
Wow, Disappointed… guess it’s time for you to go back home. Thinkin’ you kinda misread this article through your darkly-tinted glasses.
Not only you are an attention seeker while living in your expat bubble. There are two major differences in those who complain, one are the type of expats who dont enjoy the kind of lifestyle you have, and others are those who had similar lifestyle like your back home (ok except for the blue skies), but they were high flyers and achievers.
In comparison when they come across this blatant racism and inefficient environment we face in Qatar, it is only logical to complain about it. You obviously didnt have it very good back home, so yes you should count yourself to be lucky, but what about those who did have it good back home?
Also, I think your post is more about brown nosing than anything else. Shut up and pray your luck doesnt run out too soon (eventually it will).
In case you cant read properly, the article isnt about labourers, she is talking about expats who are at her level, i.e. people who are getting paid well, and yet complain..
Labourers are expats, too, technically.
where can i get free sangria?
I have to say I’m shocked at the negative comments posted here. I’m certain this blogger did not mean that the trodden down blue collar workers in Doha shouldn’t complain. They have a reason and right to complain. I believe this was directed at the haves not the have-nots. Let’s face it, there are a lot of Western expats in Doha that hate it here and view everything with their glasses half empty rather that half full. I’m also disappointed at how free people are to spew their venom at others while hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet. Would you have said these hateful things were you face to face with her? I for one have been in Qatar for 4 1/2 years. I like it here and will be sad when our contract is up and it’s time to move on. As for the have-nots? Try and help them when you can. There are a lot of issues in this country that can’t be fixed by yelling at a blogger.
Having read the complete article, the listed luxuries in the post show the best parts of the country, which could be sold to anyone. However, as an expat of 3 years here, I think that the culture of inequality which does pervade the country’s successful economy is the overriding complaint.
I don’t know anyone who complains about absolutely everything – us British are very grateful for the weather, coming from a dreary, wet climate to this is much appreciated. The difference in culture is something everyone should adapt to. But can anyone seriously justify the negligence on the road of arrogant drivers, as well as the treatment of the South-East Asian community in their work, when they are very poorly paid? They way you see them ordered around like slaves in Carrefour and Mega Mart is horrifying.
I have Qatari friends, nationals here. They adapt to other cultures here in their daily lifestyles, which shows they have their eyes open to the rest of the world as well as their own developing land. I have enjoyed many good times with them, and they with me. My point is; not everyone moans. There are causes for change where Qatar has to listen to the expats who are actually building the country for them. Bearing in mind the country was dust 40 years ago, with no established education here, how would Qatar have built what is here now without the help of expats?
There has to be give and take from both sides on lifestyle, but if occurrences like the Villaggio fire happen with no sense of security in the recovery aftermath; where do the people who claim this country as their own have the insight to call this nation “great?”
If there were only a few occasions every year when someone in a Land Cruiser beeped the horn behind you in the fast lane, or a shop assistant not having a clue about where something is in a shop; then life would be easier. This happens a few times every week. There is a long way to go in my opinion before the country can honestly declare the itself to be a leader and a fully-developed land.
I think the the majority of responses on here evidence the blog title and subject matter.
Why have you all wasted your time writing such long replies?
I usually ask the complainers why they ae still here if it’s so bad…. Turns out it’s even worse back home or they’re really money hungry. I didn’t like it either 3.5 yeas ago, but I did the maths and the positive things outweighed the negative. Now I get anxious when my husband starts looking at other positions back home. Live is pretty good here and it will be ard to get that anywhere else.
Thank you for your post. I’ve been feeling much the same. Yes, Qatar has its problems… absolutely. All the ones so aptly listed in the above negative comments. But we’re talking about Westerners who’ve got it good here, yet choose to focus on the negative, complaining ad nauseum about the country in which they’re guests. I often wonder why these folks choose to stay. The complaining certainly isn’t helping to change anyone’s lot here. It just comes off as self-satisfied “I’m better than them” moaning. Unfortunately, many responders here have chosen to take the same approach in their comments. Good days and bad, let’s keep trying to be a positive force here.
Kathy recently posted..And… We’re back!
Stop complaying, please. You are the first one to complaying about everything. Qatar is not a paradise place to live. At all. Even for you, in yout luxury flat in The Pearl. Someday, the worst part of making a life here will hit you on the face, and then, you can start counting yourself in the people who complain with truth about Qatar. Someday, some local will see your face, not like it, and make you be thrown away from here, like a criminal. A lot of people have been through that, and you don´t know. Just keep living in your perfect pink bubble, and leave the rest complaying alone, because is the only way to get the stress out, in this town in a costume of a cosmopolitan city.
The majority of expats don’t even live in ‘Qatar’.
The live in a version of Qatar defined under an umbrella activities/hobbies/lifestyles predefined by the existing expat community, Just like in Saudi, UAE, Bahrain etc.
New expats also get ushered under this umbrella and within 3 months they’re crying like the rest of them
Put sheep with more sheep and they’re only gonna eat more grass.
Count yourself as one of the “blessed” ones who get to enjoy the perks of being an expat in Doha.
Unfortunately for most of us Asian expats, we couldn’t say that our life here is good. Yes we have relatively higher salaries compared to the salaries that we earn back home. However, there is an inherent inequality in the pay scale of Asian and non-Asian workers here in Doha. Given two employees with the same skill set but one is Asian and the other one is not, who do you think earns more?
So even with our “higher” salaries, most of what we earn here we just send it back home to our families and we only set aside just enough money to tide us over until the next paycheque comes.
We don’t have the luxury of dining out at the Pearl nor swimming at the local clubhouse. We’re housed in a flat paid for by our employer where between 4-8 people may share a room and a common bathroom. We have a 48-hour work week and work nine hours a day on split shifts. Do we have time to socialize and go out? Yes, but it would put a significant dent in our pockets if we have six-dollar meals.That’s already half-a-day’s pay for our company car cleaner.
Life is good here in Qatar? Probably for you but not for people like us. So don’t begrudge us of the only thing that we could do – complain that life in Doha is hell.
As the saying goes, every coin always has two sides…utopia, we all know what that is…if this town (country) with it’s just declared Qr. 58 billion budget surplus & ridiculous, tax-free expat salaries/packages also had great weather all or even most of the year round, had good infrastructure, a good or even decent public transport network in place,people driving like civilized human beings, rules that didn’t keep changing overnight, equal enforcement of the rules that do exist & I could go on for a while but I believe everyone catches the drift here, this would be…good guess! UTOPIA!…& we all know no such place exists…
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Let’s also consider this,the expat population here, while probably not covering every nation on the planet,probably covers quite a few & that means different people coming from different cultures, if such a LARGE number of them are moaning, complaining,whatever you want to term it, there MUST be something seriously WRONG somewhere right?!…it’s not like every moaning, complaining expat here has come off some factory line somewhere & are all similar to each other right?…
With all due respect Velvet, any “peek” into 24 hrs. over life in this town which includes living on or socializing in the pearl definitely does NOT cover MAJORITY of the expat population here & no,i’m not referring to those poor sods, the likes of who actually built the pearl so let’s not even go there, i’m talking about regular middle class expats who in this country constitute mostly South Asians, expat Arabs, Filipinos & a few Eastern Europeans…
When did it become ok to commence the complaining/moaning within the 1st hour of meeting someone you ask? Has it ever occurred to you that the sheer frustration of living in this place on a daily basis has & does cause people to become like that?! Has it ever occurred to you that a LOT of these expats weren’t like this when they came here & came here with the hope of maybe starting a new life, experiencing a new part of the world or maybe even just escaping the lack of employment or opportunities in their home countries?
God as they say is in the details & i cannot tell you how aptly that statement fits in this town…allow me to cover this via the points you raised just so we keep things in perspective…
1) The weather, i don’t suppose you spent this past summer here did you?…in the unlikely event that you did, how many hours or dare i ask minutes(!) would you say you spent outdoors over the past 3 months? The heat realistically starts kicking in by April & just gets progressively worse peaking between June & August,anyone who says it’s “nice” outside before October is either a liar or a masochist of sorts,so essentially half the year is pretty much unbearable or at least not comfortable outdoors.
2) The driving, based on that peek into one day in your life, you don’t seem to be doing any, being chauffeured around instead, like a lot of people, which, don’t get me wrong, is perfectly fine…a LOT of expats from the real world (my wife included!) would never dream of driving in this town for fear of losing life or limb, would you say those fears are unfounded?!…let me put this more directly, would you say there is a “difference” in the way people drive here as compared to back home in Oz? slightly more aggressive here perhaps?…
3) The rules…what rules?! you mean yesterday’s rules? ‘cos it ain’t the same rule today! & the best part,it’s par for the course that the person supposed to enforce the rule is usually unaware of the change in the rule himself/herself! It’s absolute bloody chaos & that’s putting it mildly but is it surprising? Not in the least, take any civic authority, put people in policy/rule making/changing positions NOT because of their educational background or work experience in that position but because they come from the ‘right’ local family & you’re bound to have ‘em making/changing the rules overnight so you THINK they know what they’re doing when the reality is,they haven’t the faintest!
4) The lack of rules…if the powers that be don’t want another episode of the Arab spring here in their backyard, they better throw the rule book out for the “right” people, (villagio fire & the people eventually responsible being a valid case in point) oh & that’s also why in 3) above,people get put in positions of responsibility they shouldn’t really be in…
5) The locals, ok to be fair, let’s look at it this way, how happy would you be if you had the highest GDP on the planet, had a budgetary surplus of Qr. 58 billion this year, had more money than you knew what to do with but only had about 250,000 people to spread that amongst, being a minority of what, under 20%? & had to rely on “outsiders” ( lest we forget,this is a closed, tribal culture like the rest in this region, you’re either in or out, tied by blood or not,make no mistake,there is NO grey area.) for every single thing, from domestic & commercial labour to expertise in every conceivable field, wouldn’t YOU be a bit bummed about the whole situation? Wouldn’t you be in the least bit threatened about being a minority (by a large extent) in your own country despite the fact that YOUR people are funding everything?
6) The jobs, well if people aren’t happy, it’s going to show in their work, furthermore, if you had to work under a) a local who hasn’t the faintest idea what he’s doing or b) an expat who also doesn’t have much of a clue but are getting paid a ridiculous amount of money & give you daily grief because you actually know what you’re doing & they know it!, wouldn’t you not like your job much but just put up with it because the money was good?!…
Oh & speaking of the money, i personally think this whole “tax-free” business is being taken a bit too far, to put it very simply, if a beer here costs me 36 riyals “tax-free” in some nondescript hotel bar with zero character, bad music & is full of posers and costs me the same 30 riyals after conversion, in a nice town, in a stand alone bar full of character, probably no crap music so you can actually hear yourself speak & had people you could actually have a conversation with, but that 35 riyals equivalent was broken up into 30 riyals cost plus 10% GST plus 10% VAT, you’re still paying the same 36 riyals but for a MUCH better bar, which a MUCH better ambiance & much better people & much wider choice of what beer you want to drink, so really,this whole “tax-free” term is a bit too misleading, i mean,if I have a choice of either a pathetic looking, gnarled green pepper from Lebanon for 5 riyals a kilo or straight 25 riyals a kilo for some nice green peppers air freighted from Holland,i’d choose the Dutch green pepper thank you, because i actually like to enjoy what i’m eating & to do that in this town,you PAY,so it’s pretty pointless saying the damn thing is tax-free when it costs an arm & a leg in the first place isn’t it?!?!…i mean that is about 5 & a half Euro a kilo for some decent peppers, with tax, does it cost much more elsewhere???…
7) Hating the people they meet, I feel that probably has more to do with not having a choice of different types of people to meet here, not having the avenues to meet new & most importantly like-minded people & usually getting stuck with people from the same country/region simply because that’s how things pan out here, there are bunches of bubbles of people thrown together in that bubble either because they a) are from the same country/region b) work together c) their kids are good friends with each other, now NONE of the above 3 instances mean in any way,that the people you end up having to be friends with are like-minded in any way!…now is it just me,or this like-mindedness/being on the same page a KEY to good friendship?!
I could go on for a while about this but I believe I’ve made myself amply clear, so many people moan & complain here for the simple reason that while there are a few good things about this place, there is a LOT to moan & complain about & people tend to be vocal about that stuff, especially when they’re not used to it or come from a system where everything actually works the way it should,so come on velvet, cut them some slack eh?!…while I fully agree there is something fundamentally wrong with people you met half an hour ago moaning & complaining about their lot in life because they live here, i’d look it at this way,if so MANY people from different places are doing it, surely there must be something fundamentally wrong here?!…or is that just me being another moaning/complaining expat?!
Why would a new expat want to hear ‘Oh, you’re new, you might like it here now, give it another 6 months, you’ll hate it!. Here’s all the reasons why…..’?
Maybe the author makes a real effort to have some good times on the weekends? Maybe she finds things frustrating too, but chooses to focus on what she enjoys? Maybe she’s just happy to enjoy a change of scenery and excited for her adventure living away from home?
I don’t think for a minute that Velvet takes this life for granted, she sounds thankful and knows she’s fortunate. Good for her!!
Like most things, you get out what you put in!
I arrived in May and all I was told was that I was crazy for sticking around for summer, and I probably wouldn’t survive it! Why tell a new person that? Anyway, I did stick around for summer…. and I’m still standing!!
Separate issues here, the actual state of affairs here & people moaning/complaining about it to new expats as soon as they meet them…I fully agree with Velvet in that the latter is not on, people ought to be allowed to reach their own conclusions without having someone else’s opinion shoved down their throat,especially if they’ve just met the person! That is a bit much!…Having said that, the line between optimism & realism is but a thin one!…
Agreed Jonny! It’s super thin!
I also agree they are separate issues, and I think the latter was Velvet’s point.
I believe you can be realistic about challenges/downsides you might feel here, but still choose to look at the positives. Otherwise those challenges and downsides just eat you up!! I also think its a constant balance, good days and the not so good days. Of course we all have them!
If there are absolutely no positives for people, that’s a shame, because life’s just too short!!
true that whereiskate! positives i’m looking forward to,near perfect weather & the film festival! because life is indeed too short!
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